[CLOSED] Balans / Bluewater, Kent

Dearest Balans,

I had the chance to patronise your Bluewater branch a couple of weeks ago after taking my parents to the cinema (OK, OK, ‘technically’ they took me, but I totally did offer to pay, honest), and partook in one of your eponymous burgers.

I’d just like to say, valiant effort guys. The place was clearly understaffed and if the waiter hadn’t turned up at the second he did, this would be addressed to Jamie’s Italian (the ‘rents are very impatient you see).

The rushed-off-your-feet vibe was evident in the burger when it arrived. It looked worse than something I make for my packed lunch. In a hurry. At 6.45 in the morning. Very slapdash work. Although all the requisite components were in place, the tomato looked like it was trying to make an escape and the cheese, travesty of travesties, was practically cold and just arbitrarily lobbed in. Furthermore, it was presented closed, but with no condiments inside. I’ll spare you the lengthy details as to why whoever decided this was the correct serving suggestion, suffice it to say, do not like.

But alas, the quality of the patty was pretty good - not juice-ridden, but juicy enough - and cooked with precision - seared just enough on the outside for some bite. The bun wasn’t the freshest, but as a whole it wasn’t that bad! Just a shame it was assembled so miserably.

Oh and, those massive hand cut chips? It’s like eating half a dry jacket potato, not cool guys, not cool. Serve with your fries instead.

Anyways, we’ll put this one down to you being undermanned shall we? Yeah. Okay then.

Apparently you’re pretty big in Westfield.

Yours Condimentally,

• Rob.