The American / Honest Burgers / Soho, London

It's been a while since we visited their dinky market enclave in Brixton Market. Since then, those plucky chaps have started producing their Great British wares tucked away in a quaint Soho side street. There are even rumours they might be opening up in what seems to be becoming the next burger frontier, Brighton.

 

Truthfully we haven't really been back to Honest that much because it wasn't really our thing, so when we heard that they were bashing out a Yank-inspired special at the normally-houred central London branch we thought we'd mosey on down to their beef corral and give it a shot.

 
 

The staples of all their burgers are there: The soft and spongy, glazed brioche-style bun is the habitat to the loosely-packed juice-sodden Ginger pig beef patty. Only this time American cheese is comprehensively merged with the top. Crunch is provided by fresh red onions and pickles. Although a touch top heavy on the American mustard and the special sauce being a tad mild, lacking the flavour slap you'd expect, it's a solid, stand up American style burger.

We hope it stays on the menu, so there's a good reason for us to go back and chow on some more of their crack fries. But we've heard it's shelf-life is only until 20th May, when it is replaced by the Louisiana Burger, a promo-patty for some vampire show DVD box set. Shame.

  • Rob.

Honest Burgers on Urbanspoon
 

Grillstock / Bristol, UK

Finding out they’d opened up a lunchtime market stand, a serendipitous trip to Bristol couldn’t come fast enough.
 

Fully aware that this makes us sound like London-centric twonks, we truly do long to find decent American scran out in The Sticks.

 
 

We are excited when we hear rave reviews of places, get geed up like toddlers full of sherbet to try it out, and are ultimately as deflated as the Greek economy when it's just not very good.

So Grillstock Festival, a celebration of barbecue in the West Country, has been on our radar for a while. Its awesomeness is widely acclaimed and it's popularity has pushed it to expand to a second festival site in Manchester this year. Finding out they'd opened up a lunchtime market stand, a serendipitous trip to Bristol couldn't come fast enough.

 
 

St. Nicks Market is like Bristol's answer to a budget Covent Garden (with a hint of Camden Market), and the Glass Arcade is the open-air glass-roofed food stall artery that runs through the heart of it, with the legendary Pieminster counted amongst it's vendors nestled within the old Georgian Corn Exchange. Getting there at around 3, we caught the tail end of Grillstock's Saturday service: any brisket was long gone, but luckily there was still some of the pulled pork and brisket beans left.

Apparently everything here is pit smoked slowly over hickory, and the dinky smoker is in evidence; nestled in the back corner of the dinky outlet. And it is accomplished. Each thick ribbon of pulled pork retains a background of smokiness whilst you catch a touch of mild sweetness from the seasoning throughout, all infused within meat that is not dripping but has a solid level of moisture so it is pleasingly soft to bite through.

 
 

The bap is soft and glossy: a nice example of a classic burger bun, baked by none other than TV's expert flour lobbers the Fabulous Baker Brothers (well, probably not them, but their family bakery Hobbs House). And whilst the house slaw added inside is nothing special, it adds some extra juicy moisture and sensory crunch to the bite. 

Arguably, the sign of a quality barbecue gaff is in the sauces as much as the meats. Again, they spank it: while the signature backyard BBQ sauce is a nuanced take on a classic sweet 'n smokey barbecue sauce, the subtle warmth of the hot sauce did it for us, and was pumped liberally over the pork and thus smeared across our gormlessly pleased mugs.

The beans were in no way shy of brisket, with a deeper smokiness than the pork, all suspended in a rich, thick bean-y sauce. It made us hanker for some straight up brisket like a doe-eyed canine next to a dinner table.

Dare we say it, Grillstock is consummate barbecue in the Regions. Fuck it, we'll say it beats some London barbecue pretenders hands down. 

  • Rob.
 
 
  • Tickets are still available for the Bristol and Manchester Festivals this year. And a fully functioning Smokehouse, is coming to some place called Clifton (apparently it has a nice bridge) in the Summer.
 

Balthazar / Covent Garden, London

JENNA: Paul didn’t come. I guess I faked this stupid breakdown for nothing.
TRACY: Jenna, I’ve been thinking.
JENNA: Why? You’re famous!
TRACY: I know, but I don’t think you were faking anything here. Maroney, you jumped through a window, you made out with Paz de la Huerta at a children’s museum, you tried to dine at Balthazar without a reservation, and you did all that to get some guy’s attention. That’s crazy. That’s a breakdown.
— 30 Rock, S06E18
Balthazar Exterior

Londoners on the whole have a raging hard-on for Manhattan. Many of us, given the choice, would happily flounce off to NYC permanently if we ever had the opportunity. It makes us feel slightly guilty for our native city, that we would cheat on her so brazenly. But many of us share that pipedream, and it’s a powerful thing. People even like our accent there.

 

They also have things in New York that we will never have: flavoured cream cheese, proper bagels, delis that are actual delis, pizza with heritage and integrity, a White Castle, and of course all of the high-end “It” restaurants that are so legendarily difficult to get a reservation at.

We wouldn’t dream of eating French in NYC though. There’s just no point. I remember passing Bourdain’s place in a cab and audibly scoffing at its kitschy faux-Frenchy exterior as it flashed past. It looked ridiculous. I’m sure all of the dishes are well-executed, but contextually it's not what NYC is to us.

The Balthazar Boulangerie
 
 

A New York State of Mind

It’s very orange.

That’s the first thing we noticed after sitting down. Orange lighting. Night-time driving down the M4 orange. It takes a good few minutes to get used to it. It’s a huge expanse of a room with energetic rumble of clatters, clinks, and chatter reverberating around it. It is impressive: from the huge, slightly tarnished mirrors to the mosaic tiled floors, leather-clad bench seating and brass railing separating the booths, it's easy to be reminded of the Wolseley and others of the same ilk.

When at the Minetta Tavern, the co-proprietor of a certain highly successful group of London steak restaurants was there at the same time. We remarked on the sheer volume of waiting staff and he said it wouldn’t be possible to replicate that same server-heavy bustle at home. Minimum wage and that kind of thing. Wouldn’t be possible, let alone profitable.

This was weighing on our minds as we propped up the bar at Balthazar.

We can’t remember seeing such a swarm of well-turned out staff. Dozens and dozens of them. They’ve also got the NYC standard-issue clipboard despot, clad in black. This is London though, so we didn’t have to awkwardly palm a $20 bill in her direction, and once our intention of sitting at the bar was understood we were promptly sat at the bar. We couldn’t help watch her turn away group after group of reservation-less tourists who clearly had no idea that Balthazar is A Big Deal.

The thing is, we did waltz in, reservation-less, and ended up sitting at the lovely bar, cooing at the orange hue and stunning-looking bar.

It must be a strange job that, telling people to fuck off as politely as possible for hours on end.

All the classic staples from both sides of the Atlantic make an appearance: Steak Frites, Croque Monsieur and Coq Au Vin on one side and Macaroni Cheese, Hamburgers and Chicken Clubs on the other. We’ll leave the French stuff up to our more esteemed peers who write about real food. It was the last two of these that we thought we'd give a go.

And the only thing that really underlines the Franco-Unamerican is that all the draught beer is from the Camden Brewery. We were hoping for something either French, or East Coast, or both. Not another spendy pint of Hells.

 
We couldn’t help watch her turn away group after group of reservation-less tourists who clearly had no idea that Balthazar is A Big Deal.
Balthazar burger guts out
Balthazar burger
Balthazar burger guts
 

And There Lies The Rub

As for the burger itself, it’s a standard $ to £ conversion cheeseburger that costs £16.

It is fine. Not bad, not exceptional, thankfully not over-franglicised. It’s served up much like what you get at Joe Allen, round the corner - all the burger basics splayed out. Meat 'n cheese on one side of a grill-line charred bun, and veggies (full slice of red onion included) on the other. You get the standard ketchup and mustard (cue banter whether it’s French or American) condiments placed in front of you, but make sure you ask for a pot of the in-house made mayonnaise - it's thick, rich and buttery goodness for the accompanying fries, but also adds a creamy contrast to the crisp lettuce and tomato in the burger. It's slightly over done for the medium rare we asked for and a tad dry.

The notable thing though is the salt they’re using to coat the patty. We don’t think it’s pre-salted, but the patties are cooked very, very hot. There is also some kind of crack-like salt mix which forms small dark blobs of oversalty flavour. A densely seasoned, slightly bacon-y, slightly sweet paprikaness. It a decent, fulfilling sandwich, but it's not a-Myrrh-zing.

The brioche bun is a great effort, with an airy, cushy feel, it squashes down without compacting and holds the meat comfortably. And the best bit about this? You can buy them in the bakery next door (where everything is half price half an hour before it closes FYI). They’re not mean with the fries, and they were perfectly fine but the oil they’d been cooked in tasted a bit well-used.

The star of the show was the club sandwich. A comparative steal for £10, it had a wonderful proper French mayo with just enough filling sitting inside two perfectly grilled slices of St. John-style sourdough.

Balthazar Club Sandwich
 

 

Ultimately, Balthazar has a problem. What we want from NYC imports is genuine NYCness. Not French Brasserie by way of New York. Everyone has commented on the Cafe Rouginess to it all, but there actually is a Cafe Rouge that is right across the street. It’s empty though.

Balthazar doesn’t belong on any best-of lists. Apart from Most Convincing Manhattan Transplant Until Shake Shack Opens.✪

 
The View of Cafe Rouge from Balthazar

The View of Cafe Rouge from Balthazar

The View of Balthazar from Cafe Rouge

The View of Balthazar from Cafe Rouge

  • Simon & Rob.
Balthazar on Urbanspoon

Disco Bistro / The City, London

A hop, skip and a genuflect away from St. Pauls Cathedral, down a dinky, sun-deprived, Dickensian-feeling side street (the kind you'd expect to be walked down on one of those rubbish ghost London tours) stands the Rising Sun pub. It's a fairly innocuous boozer, scattered with the regular mix of city workers and builders of a lunchtime. But beneath this mild-mannered facade lies the sweaty beating heart of 'trash food' pop-up, Disco Bistro.

As the name suggests and the website asseverates, this is aiming to be an 'anti-establishment punk food revolution' calling for 'Anarchy in St. Paul's!', designed to imbue the patron with the sense that this is a restaurant with a wild side - fine dining meets the Sex Pistols if you will. It certainly is bucking the trend of all those new mainstream eating holes, by actually letting you reserve tables. Fuck yeah subverting popular culture and stuff.

This venture is from the people who brought you God Save the Clam and Rock Lobsta, two pop-ups that were not greeted with unanimous praise to say the least.  

In fact, the general lack of reportage on both of them was because they were so awful.

Not that we went, that's just what we were informed.

The signage for Rock Lobsta, very prevalent on the wall in the retro-chaired, B-movie paraphanalia'd restaurant upstairs added an air of trepidation to our forthcoming Disco Burger.

We were encouraged by a very decent start from the precursory chicken wings; fried with a sturdy crunchy-crisp coating and slathered generously with a thick sauce that provided a lovely hot-yet-sweet kick. And when the burger turned up it looked every inch the filthy, trashfest that was promised - an abundant, oozing mound of juice, cheese and sauce.

 
The honest boozer quality of Disco Bistro’s location, in the midst of a snorefest of food options in the immediate vicinity, and unconventional-for-the-area menu does make it an interesting option.

It hit the target in places: the short rib was densely beefy and moist, smothered with a nacho cheese-style sauce of a good consistency over the top. But the patty which accompanied it was pretty tasteless, a lack of seasoning and meatiness accentuating a contrast between the short rib instead of complimenting it and doubling the beefiness.

There was way too much sweet, tangy barbecue sauce smeared on the bottom which hit hard in every mouthful and made the lettuce next to it warm and a flaccid. The dry brioche highlighted the sloppiness of the contents by not soaking in properly, as is the crime of the slightly stale bun.

Potential stifled by style-over-substance.

Then there is the discrepancy between the two identically named, yet differently contented Disco Burgers: Whilst the upstairs dining room offers the short rib filled burger, the shorter menu in the bar downstairs offers the French dipped version, which was the one we were recommended to try.

Add to that the price point difference of £4 plus service on the former, and you've got to wonder - why would you go upstairs and pay so much more?

The honest boozer quality of Disco Bistro's location, in the midst of a snorefest of food options in the immediate vicinity, and unconventional-for-the-area menu does make it an interesting option. But apart from the City worker who finds it delightfully novel, whether it is worth the journey into the square mile is a coin toss. ✪

Disco Bistro EC4 on Urbanspoon
 

Electric Diner / Ladbroke Grove, London

Our disdain for West London has been documented here before: It is miles away. The few things worth going to are miles away from everything else worth going to. It is a pain. Even walking through core West London gateway Notting Hill you notice it has little to offer bar the new Jamie Oliver money spinner 'Recipease', a name so abhorrent that we want to send the person who thought of it a pint of milk on the turn in the second class post. Seriously, what's next: 'Jamie's Grubporium' or 'NoshStation Oliver'? We wouldn't bet against it.

But we love a diner. Fond memories of being seated at a counter, sipping on a thick porcelain mug of filter coffee waiting for whatever dirty food we had ordered warms our collective cockles.

So Electric Diner is something of a dichotomy for us. It's one of our favourite things, in one of our least favourite places.

But, it does sort of make sense: this part of town is Little Beverly Hills. High concentration of well-heeled US ex-pats. They love West London. And they can have it.

We are so gutted it is out West.

Tunnel of Love

Following a pretty gnarly fire in the Brasserie kitchen back in June last year, owners Soho House (the genius behind Dirty Burger, amongst a few high-profile others) took the opportunity to redesign Electric Brassiere and so called in Brendan Sodikoff, the celebrated chef behind Chicago’s French-American diner Au Cheval, to help design the concept, menu, and even train the staff.

And help he has: In keeping with the Sodikoff aesthetic, Electric has the low lit, bare bricked, white tiled sheen of his US based diners, not too dissimilar from what is commonly popularly in London right now. It's well polished. But there are some tidbits of Americana that give it a certain nuance: decadent red leather booths, comedy large yank beer taps hosting an impressive selection of brews, and wood panelling behind the bar.

It makes it feel like it's been there for a long, long time. It also feels genuine.

Along with the booths, counter seats add an authentic diner feel - sitting there you become privy to the banter between the expo and the chefs. Intermingled with the chatter from the bar and the booths, and the low grumble of dance muzak from a reel-to-reel in the background, it is super buzzy and boisterous.

The menu mixes it up more polished restaurant items with diner classics too - bone marrow with beef cheek marmalade casually sits alongside the humble hot dog. Everything is tarted up to a certain extent, what constitutes a portion of wings on the menu the financial equivalent of a swift knee in the bank account, but watching orders confidently leave the kitchen quality is evident.

Burger +1.

The double-pattied single cheeseburger arrived impaled with a steak knife, unnecessary but ceremonial. The thin patties, well-seasoned and crusted, are melded together with a sticky Jack cheese. Similar in method to an In 'n Out Double Double, it creates an impressively robust beefy, salty, viscous unit. We like it that way. And Millers again cement themselves as the Google of the London burger bun with an impeccable effort.

Before the lid is thrown on, layers of mandolin-thin pickles are lobbed on the burger, followed by slews of hint-of-mustard mayo, and a generous sprinkle of diced red onions. The layering creates a crunchy tangy condiment but, and rarely do we say this, but tragically there is just too much of it. The mayo oozes everywhere and really takes the sting out of the cheesy meat bomb, dropping the whole just a notch. Shame.

Confusingly, the burgers here are buy-one-get-one-free. A single is a double. A double is a triple. Keep that in mind because the single is easily enough meat.

Bologna NOUN [UNCOUNTABLE] INFORMAL  /bəˈləʊni/

It is the bologna sarnie that is the Rosette winner.

Reams and reams of wafer-thin meat, thrown on the hotplate to cook through, heating it to melt-in-the-mouth consistency, draped in slice upon slice of cloched cheese until it droops over it like an over-soused girlfriend, smothered in mayo and encased in the same Miller's bun.

It's too easy to eat by far. It is much more an American sandwich in London than nearly anything else we can think of.

What a load of bologna.

What a load of bologna.

It is all quality stuff. The crispy fries are cracking, like frites, containing more crust than innards. Drenched in an outstandingly rich, smooth mornay sauce, the bling wearing pimp of the cheese sauce world, and topped with a fried egg, it is *the* side to have. Even the French onion soup was thick, oniony abundance in a full-bodied broth, with a huge cheesy crouton dunked on top.

 

This has almost instantly become one of our recommended places to eat in London. Whilst still only mid-way through our first visit, Rob was lost in foggy-eyed reverie at the consistency of the quiet, unflappable grill boss, banging out burgers and bologna sarnies with unrelenting ease. It meant the Made-In-Chelseaite proclamations echoing around the place almost tolerable.

What could be better than a slow lunch here, followed by a few doughnuts and a movie next door.

We are so gutted it is out West. ✪

  • Rob & Simon.
  • Electric Diner
  • FYI: ignore the TGI Friday-esque video on the website, it does the place no justice. 

Fries + mornay sauce + fried egg = coronary inducing happiness

Fries + mornay sauce + fried egg = coronary inducing happiness

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