Five Guys / Brooklyn, NY

With a boasted quarter of a million ways to order a burger, FG is just daft

Much like the well-revered In-N-Out, Five Guys is a highly-respected burger joint in the States. And ever since Five Guys rolled out nationwide, the continuing praise of both has prompted more than the odd Internet column battle royales squaring them up. It’s comparable to the time-honoured McDonalds vs Burger King, but with not-shit burgers. Even between our friends and cohorts opinion is split.

As die-hard In-N-Out-ers, we were curious to see if the hyperbole matched the drapes, so while in Downtown Brooklyn, we decided to schlep it the whole 150 metres from Smashburger to go see if it really could be a contender.

Unwrapping the foiled burger, you reveal a classic American-style toasted bun, unceremoniously flattened by the tight packing process. Ordering ‘All The Way’ throws ALL sorts between lid and base, making the poor thing look like it’ll never command it all.

There’s some well worked-out burger layering going on here: the bottom half packs the ketchup and mustard, along with the burly, near-relish-like onions. The savoury mushrooms compliment the meatiness of the well-seasoned patty, which is slathered with nicely fused American cheese. The mildly piquant richness is counterpunched by the top half: with mayo spread over lumps of Iceberg, ample slices of tomato and thick pickle slices.

But no bones, it is a great combination from great construction, in a classic no-nonsense burger. And the bun? It handled everything like a bloody (if not a tad squishy) champ. We’d say the single patty ‘Little’ has a slight imbalance, so probably best to stick with the regular. The little is for weight-conscious pussies anyway, right?

With a boasted quarter of a million ways to order a burger, FG is just daft. But it means you can have some fun playing about with combos, pretty much guaranteeing it’d be a fair few visits before you got bored. Just ordering one with A1 Steak Sauce sauce is enough reason for us to try it again.

The comparisons with In-N-Out are understandable: fiendishly simple primary colour decor with a hint of old-school diner, the ridiculously simple menu with the ability to tart things up (Five Guys flaunt their extras like a brazen hussy, whereas In-N-Out like to make it more of a take-out treasure hunt). However, the burgers, whilst both good, are pretty different in style.

So fuck comparing them.

It’s hard for us to think of something that will ever rival the ingrained emotional attachment we have to In-N-Out, or the sheer debased rich, sauciness of their Animal Style, but what FG has is oodles more locations across the country, so fear not if you’re not in the vicinity of an In ‘n Out, ‘cos more than likely there’ll be a Five Guys to test out a Bar-B-Q Jalapeno Bacon Cheeseburger in.

And if we were to put our money on the first ‘quality’ American chain to cross the Atlantic, these guys put it on Five Guys.

  • Rob.
  • NB. Simon kinda disagrees about Five Guys being super great and stuff. More on that soon enough.
Little Cheeseburger All The Way
Little Cheeseburger All The Way Split
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